Lemme Get a Pie With Everthing On It
by Fancypants66
Summary: The tales of everyone's favorite mobster consigliore octopus...
1. The start of the day

"Lemme Get a Pie with Everything on It!"

by Fancypants 66

This story tells you about Luca the Octopus' day-to-day life. Hilarity ensues.

Luca the Octopus lay asleep in bed, dreaming about his greatest aspirations, about playing the piano for the greatest and most famous of all reef denizens. With his waking up, he got up out of bed, with the joy that he was Don Lino's trusted consigliore, and then groaned in misery at the sorrow of awaking to yet another day of being the whipping boy for a bunch of Lino's overgrown pizza topping henchmen. Luca loved working for Lino because Lino actually treated him with respect, unlike all the other mob bosses of the North Side Reef, which tied Luca's tentacles jointly and swung him around, playing tetherball. And with that, there was also working of Don Malozzi of the Anglerfish family in the deepest trenches of the ocean. The guy looked like he had an eating disorder and a thyroid problem. With that, Don Malozzi had very bad breath.

But none of that happened here. No, here, Luca had respect and his own office, complete with living space.

Luca got out of bed to go and eat his breakfast. He met some of Don Lino's thugs downstairs in the eatery, _The Bloated Whale_. Luca placed his order, a tuna with shrimps on the side, all imploring not to be eaten, but Luca wouldn't hear of it, placing the tuna close to his mouth.

"No, please! I have children!" begged the tuna to Luca.

"No, you don't!" Luca snapped. "The boss did you a favor and you didn't pay him back! As far as I care, you're gettin' what you deserve!"

"NO! HAVE MERCY!"

He did not listen and put the tuna close to his mouth to bite, but the thing slipped from his suckered grip and back-fin slapped Luca on his face. With that, the fish swam out of the window taking the shrimp with him.

"Hey, Luca! From now on, you won't go placing your orders fresh!" laughed one of the sharks.

"Shaddup!" snapped Luca. "I'll just have toast" he said to a nearby waiter sawfish.

"Luca, this is Don Lino" exclaimed an amplified voice in the restaurant. "I need you to run an errand for me. Report to my office immediately"

Luca lifted himself up from his chair and headed without delay to Lino's office.

"Luca, I need to speak with Sykes. Fetch him for me" said Don Lino in a grave voice as though someone had died.

"Anythin' else, boss?" he asked submissively.

"Yes. Play me that song. That Moonlight song" said Lino in his moody voice.

Luca then swam to the piano, sat down on the bench, and played the song. It was a sad song. Moonlight Sonata. It wasn't very hard with eight appendages to hit the keys, but try asking one of the other residents of the ship to play it with nothing but two fins, and it would be quite impossible to not get eaten. With the final notes being hit, Luca swam off to the reef, meeting Lenny and Frankie on the way. Frankie looked well fed, but Lenny came back as usual, empty handed. The loser.

"Hey, Luca" said Lenny in his sweet as pie voice. _How is it possible that Lino thinks that this kid could possibly be a killer?_ Luca asked himself. _He's about as tough as a baby dolphin. Sometimes I wonder…_

"Luca, did Pop ask us to do anything?"

"Nope. But he asked me to go and find Sykes" replied Luca.

"Sykes is a total wimp" said Frankie, as bitter as possible.

"Well, I'd best go and get him" replied Luca

With that, Luca swam to the reef, with every one of the reef's denizens hiding in fear of getting sold out to Don Lino and his hungry goons…


	2. Assigned

In Don Lino's office, Luca sat down on the couch as though he were waiting for his next dentist's appointment, every sucker on him quivering with total fear.   
But in about five second's time, he nodded off mentally. He thought about the piano and playing it in front of only the richest of the rich, salt of the ocean. But Sykes awoke him from his vision, with a stupid remark. Luca awoke.

Sykes was sniveling as usual and Luca just fell asleep at the prospect of it.

He fell asleep on the couch until the meeting was over and he went straight to bed.

He woke up the next morning with a hearty breakfast of fried gull and went to Lino's office to report for the next assignment.

"You're to go to the Northside reef and see whether those iguanas have paid their money. They should have it back, so the first moment you find that they do, call me. Good luck" said Lino.

"An assignment easily done, boss" said Luca in oily tones…

This is as far as I shall go now.


	3. Love is Found?

Within the hour, Luca headed off towards the kelp fields where the iguanas took place in their business and got what he needed from them. They were wise, thought Luca. Wise creatures who knew beyond mere shark knowledge were they.

Luca headed off towards not the ship, but to Cousteau's Road, the street where his beloved Ima lived. Ima was his love interest, a wise and caring blue-ringed octopus. She did not expect him over, but he came unannounced with flowers for his beloved. She cared deeply for him as a friend and (though she denied it at times) sometimes she felt as though she loved him more than that.


End file.
